Hey folks, it's been awhile, and I sense my readers slacking off.

Have you been paying attention to current events? The news has been particularly newsy as of late. Okay, pencils sharpened, eyes straight ahead, here we go.

1. Under recent health care legislation, this is considered a preexisting condition:

1. Warts

2. Heebie jeebies

3. Boogers

4. Existing

2. The most unpatriotic thing ever:

1. Kneeling during the National Anthem

2. Kneeling when Lee Greenwood sings

3. Five deferments

4. Buying “Make America Great Again” caps from Russia

3. A contributing cause to more intense hurricanes:

1. Gay pride

2. Insincere prayers

3. Al Gore

4. Cow farts

4. Top Kim Jong-Un nickname:

1. Rocket Man

2. Off His Rocker Man

3. Major Tom

4. Captain Fantastic

5. Reasons the world didn't end Saturday, as predicted:

1. The Almighty is still on the Julian Calendar

2. Not prudent without a health care bill in place

3. President Trump and Kim Jong-Un both golfing

4. Saving it for when the Vikings win the Super Bowl

To access the rest of "That's Life," publisher Tony Bender's award-winning personal column, subscribe to The Wishek Star or The Ashley Tribune