BENDER—I was just wrapping my head around this Tide pod trend when I learned that condom snorting might be a thing. Like a dutiful parent, I suppose I'll have to sit down and have a talk with India about this.
 When I discussed the dangers of eating Tide pods with her, she assured me she had no intention of eating our laundry detergent because, and I quote, “You don't even buy the good tasting ones.”